“
F stands for FUCKERS.
— My mother
doubleTHINK
I'm eclectic, awkward, and cynical. The glass is rarely half full but the world still has the capacity to amaze me once in a while. Like everyone else, I need a change, and I sincerely think I possess the ability to catalyze that change in my life.
- Me: Elevator's broken.
- Derek: Boooooooo.
- Me: No coffee for me tonight... I'm not truckin' it up and down those stairs.
- Derek: LOLOLOL I carry you girl.
- Me: HAHAHAHA. No thanks.
- Ryan: Oh my god, I just thought of something. What if we didn't talk for like, 10 years, and then 10 years from now you found out the Catholic church made me a saint? Like an official saint. Saint Ryan of Scotts Valley.
- Me: Are you on crack?
- Ryan: Nevermind. I'm trying to download this movie illegally offline but I can't do it for some reason.
- Me: Yeah... you're not fit for sainthood.
- Ryan: What? Saints stole things... c'mon!
- Kylee: Ugh, I gotta go to sleep. I haven't gotten much lately.
- Me: Fine, whatever, just bail on me... JUST LIKE MY FATHER.
- Kylee: What the fuck is wrong with you?
- Me: Ha ha ha ha!
- Kylee: Oh shut your dirty whoreish mouth.
- Me: That's nice.
All aloney, on my owney.
Why do I feel so miserable, and then just accept it without change?
My eyes hurt. I never sleep anymore.
“
I love you so much, that my love could fuel the rocket that goes to Mars, orbits for 4 years and comes back. Love = Hydrogen.
— Aaron
I just read something about a website with the URL address: http://iamawesome/ and read it as “I am a Wesome.” It literally took me 7 minutes of a confused Google search for “Wesomes” to discover my mistake.
- Aaron: Sorry, I just realized that my printer blows cock.
- Aaron: *my mom's
- Me: I don't really think it wise to refer to your mom in a sentence where blowing cock is involved.
- Aaron: Well, I'm just being truthful, and cock and my mom go hand in hand. That sounded upsettingly bad.
- Me: ...whose hands are we discussing here?
- Aaron: Def. not mine.
- Me: Nor are they mine. I just got a montage of really, really puke-worthy images.
- Aaron: Ewww.
- Me: That same stupid idiot just leaned over all dramatically to get her stuff from the ground and her HAIR WENT ALL OVER MY COMPUTER AND MY HANDS.
- Mom: Ha ha ha ha ha!
- Me: I am so disgusted...
- Mom: You should write a book.
- Me: What does that have to do with loud hooker hairball over here?
- Mom: Hope she doesn't have lice!
- Me: Really, Mom? Really?
- Mom: Seriously, go wash your hands.
- Me: She's so tall and lanky, I can't get over it. It's like beyond attractive, she's so thin it just seems unnatural.
- Mom: She probably has to stay thin for her pimp. It would hurt her business if she got fat.
- Me: Wow... you did not just say that.
(1/39)
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